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Sad Boy Bummer

by Ampersand

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1.
I saw something I wasn’t supposed to see The kind of future never meant for me Hope and beauty, god-like clarity What were you thinking, giving yourself to me Let me back, Let me back, Let me back in Just when I thought that I had nothing left You woke me up from my sleep of death Your love found me, and I took a breath All who love must face so many deaths Let me back, Let me back, Let me back in Life travels fast on a one-way track But I can’t help myself, I’m always looking back A pillar of salt, some kind of heart attack A life that wasn’t mine, a life I can’t get back Let me back, Let me back, Let me back in
2.
Another long, hot Saturday And I’m headed to an afternoon matinee To sit and stare at a bigger screen No one at home to ask where I’ve been I could make a change, I could run away I could live in my head till my hair turns gray But I’ll sit right down and get a little bit lost And find another coin I doubt I’ll even toss It’s time to distrust my memories And disregard the sweet things you said to me For a couple of hours l’ll be someone else Feel a little something I haven’t felt Yeah, I think I’ve seen this one before About the guy who loses his old girl To help the good guys win their noble war Yeah, I think I’ve seen this one before There was a piano player in some dark bar And a guy who didn’t think he could love anymore Ill-fated romance and sacrifice Our sad-sack hero with his heart on ice When in walks in a love from the past Good omens, man, they just never last “Nobody ever loved me that much,” He uttered that line, and I was crushed He felt the same things that I was feeling Damn, cruel fate, and the cards he’s dealing It was dark and raining when I finally left All the actors I’d seen, undoubtedly dead But it’s nice to know I’m not the only one Who carries a heart that weighs a ton Yeah, I think I’ve seen this one before About the guy who loses his old girl To help the good guys win their noble war Yeah, I think I’ve seen this one before There was a piano player in some dark bar And a guy who didn’t think he could love anymore
3.
Ghostwritten 04:31
You’ll hear from me on my darkest of days In the letters I write just to throw them away We’ll see each other in my dreams again I walled you up inside of my mind To keep you safe from the passage of time Just one thing I can hold until the end I’m getting tired of putting words in the mouth of your ghost I’m living like, I’m sinking like a stone I’ll never quite, never quite be alone Scars cut, memories etch into bone Life is halfway a story you write A struggle, we’re put upon, obscured in the night But I keep trying to find a way to you A diamond in the rough, the lady of the lake Sometimes it feels like it’s save or be saved Most times there’s nothing you can say or do
4.
I ain’t the toughest guy, I know I never wrestled death, he never had me by the throat If courage was buoyancy I doubt I’d float Ship to shore, I'm safely moored I ain’t the toughest guy, I know. I never left my hometown I ain’t no big shot, never thrown my weight around Ankle deep in water, and I’d probably drown Never darkened a foreign door I never left my hometown I’d like to give my heart away It’s a heavy thing to carry on any given day She made it feel weightless, but I could’t make her stay Heartache can never be ignored I’d like to give my heart away I ain’t the toughest guy, I know But if I keep on fighting, for just a little bit more I might glimpse that sun rising on some distant shore Add a bit more courage to the store I’ll be the toughest guy you know.

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released August 15, 2021

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Ampersand New Jersey

From the swamps of South Jersey

Existentialism and Nostalgia

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